I’ve talked before about how difficult it can be to remain kind and positive towards another person whenever they are not being pleasant in return.  It is so easy to throw back what they are dishing out, so to speak.  “You get what you give” is a phrase often thrown around in these situations.  It is said that if you aren’t handling your impatience or anger in a way that is positive, or you’re taking those emotions out on another person who isn’t necessarily responsible for the emotions you’re feeling, you “deserve” to be treated badly in return.  While it might feel good in the moment to give it back to them, it’s not the answer.

I was raised Catholic, and still practice a lot of those teachings today, but I also put a lot of emphasis on the Universe and the energy that exists within and around every living thing (I’m still trying to figure out how it all fits together, myself).  Anyways, I always think about the energy I am giving off, as well as trying to grab the negative energy of other things and emerge it in positive energy.  I’ve read a lot about it and I strongly believe that energy attracts energy; Whether it is negative or positive.

I had a situation a few days ago where I was pretty bummed out and not quite feeling myself, and in turn, my energy wasn’t nearly as high as it usually is.  I thought that the Universe was against me and that nothing could have gone worse; everything seemed to go wrong that morning when I was trying to leave for work, I had a very challenging day once I got there, and nothing seemed to be going my way.  I was thinking to myself, “What the heck is going on? Why is this day so bad?”  As soon as I said that, I realized that my energy was so negative and it was attracting more bad energy. Ew! No wonder nothing seemed right, I was being a big negative energy ball.  As I was driving home this morning from taking my car to the shop (another rough patch last week), I was listening to the radio in car I am borrowing.  At first I was feeling out of place in a different car with different seats and different radio stations, etc. But I was clicking through the pre-set buttons and came across a Christian radio station.  At that moment the host was talking about the following passage:

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” -Luke 6:38

This really resonated with me after the week I was having.  Not only are we able to give gifts through tangible things or charity work, but this also coincides with exchanging energy with others.  What you give will come back to you; maybe not right away, but the good energy you give to others will make it’s way back.  This past week, I was a perfect example of how negative energy will come back to you like an angry boomerang.  As soon as I realized this, I was instantly regretting being that way because I was absolutely passing that along to others.  If someone walks away from me feeling worse than when they walked up, my job was not done.

If you’re struggling with “bad days” or when it feels like the world is weighing so heavily on your heart, take a step back and look at the energy you are surrounded with.  Perception is everything.  Replace the negative energy with positive and see what happens.  Is this an easy thing to do? No. It can be extremely difficult, especially if you’re feeling very low.  Sometimes it feels like there is nothing good about how your life is, or the good things you can think of seem trivial compared to the bad stuff; but you have to stay focused. Trust me! You can turn a bad day around so easily by simply holding your head a little higher while walking through it.

I’ve worked in a customer service/ retail environment for many years; Needless to say, I’ve seen many different people, and experienced almost every type of situation you can imagine.  I’ve been yelled at, had products thrown back at me, and had to deal with people storming away from what could have been a simple conversation with a very simple solution.  Of all the people skills I have acquired during these years, the one I find most important and the one I continue to polish day after day, is patience.  Being patient and compassionate toward the person who is shouting at you can be extremely trying at times. I have had situations where I had to bite my tongue so hard, I thought it may need sewn back on.  Sometimes someone is standing in front of me talking in circles and yelling and I just can not wrap my head around how this person is not understanding what I am explaining to them or how they are not considering any side of the situation other than their own.  These are the times when I have to back up and remember that not everyone is able to handle conflict or a break in routine the same way as me.  Say there’s a series of hypothetical How to be a Good Person magazine.  You may have read all the way up to Volume 14, sweet! The person in front of you may only be on the second volume.  You may have a better understanding of the current situation because you remember something you read in Volume 9, you apply that knowledge, and you are able to move through a conflict or trying moment more smoothly.  What you have to remember is that you can’t get angry or impatient with the other person because they haven’t read that far yet; they haven’t learned the lesson as of yet to get them through as easily.  “They say” that there is a lesson in every situation and I truly believe that; but we have to remember that we may not always be the one who the lesson is meant for- sometimes we are the vehicle for the lesson to be learned by someone else. Those times when someone is standing in front of you spouting nonsense out of ignorance or misunderstanding, the times when you want to grab their shoulders and shake them to try and make them understand what you’re saying, those are the times when you have to remember the way to handle the conflict (because you remember taking notes on this in Volume 10). This is the time you can share your notes with that person and maybe they’ll be able to apply it next time.  It is difficult- extremely difficult– to hold back what you want to say and instead speak with compassion and patience.  We can’t make the world better by spreading what is making it worse.  Be the light to someone who is walking through darkness, be the vehicle for the lesson they’re meant to learn today to make them think twice next time before reacting the way they have in the past.  It may be what they need to pick up the next volume.

I would like to take a moment to reflect on a post of mine from long ago—

A Moment.

You feel so much love in a moment.

Then you realize that moment is part of an hour.

In this hour, you realize how little you know about

what will happen in a week.

A week is part of a month, and then part of a year.

What can happen in a year?

Feelings change, plans fall through, people come and go.

A year becomes part of a lifetime.

In a lifetime, we are expected to do something great.

But when will this greatness happen?

When will a lifetime become something worth remembering?

—Only in a moment.

I

When will my life begin? That’s the question I find myself asking over and over again.  I mean, I have a life, obviously. But when will I have a LIFE?  I begin to think to myself, at what moment did I actually see myself having a future?

Maybe it was when I started to get acceptance letters for colleges?  I ripped those envelopes open so quickly just to read that the first word was “Congratulations!” That did give me a confidence boost. All the hard work I put in during high school; learning things like geometry, chemistry, Spanish, etc.;  I’ll finally be able to surround myself with other people who also found these subjects just as useless as I had. I would be able to share my brilliant thoughts with intellectual scholars who will genuinely appreciate them. But after I was accepted, I thought about what I really wanted to focus my studies on. Maybe I could be a teacher and help to shape the young minds of tomorrow with my witty remarks and patience. Or maybe I would join a club and become the president so that I can become an advocate for some cause that I found was greater than my own.  As wonderful and exciting as these ideas were on paper, I was unable to put these plans into action. So I guess this plan gave me more overwhelming feelings of uncertainty than excitement about starting life.

It could have been when I graduated college.  I finally had a degree in something I enjoyed doing: Writing. Although, after I graduated, I realized that I had spent so many hours reading, analyzing, and picking apart the work of other people, I was never really able to find my own voice.  Sure, I had a piece of gold accented paper in a cheaply made cover saying that I had taken all of the classes I was supposed to take.  Little do people know that some of these classes caused me to change my style to fit the persona of a caffeine addicted, sleep deprived, borderline alcoholic college student who was trying her best to make it to class every morning after fighting sleep on the quiet third floor of the library while trying to finish that 29-page analysis of a book written by a dead person. But I did it; I have that piece of paper.

Maybe my life would begin after I graduated and began to give my credentials to those who were in charge of jobs I could picture myself doing everyday for the rest of my life.  I had a lot of connections in various areas of work, so I was positive something would come of it.

Months later, I’m still working two- crappy, minimum-wage, part-time jobs while living in my parent’s house.  I’m still giving my resume to people; but now it is being given to just about anyone who will take it.  I have just enough money to pay bills and maybe, if I’m lucky, buy food every once in awhile. Rather than pursuing my true calling— whatever that may be— I’m simply searching for something that will allow me to experience the feeling of having money leftover after I pay my bills. All I need to do is find something that gives me the same spark of excitement that I felt while opening acceptance letters, or holding that diploma.  I want to find the one thing that will give me that spark of happiness and self-worth everyday.  I just need to find the path that will lead me there.

Well Briana from a few years ago, I’m glad you’re here.  I’m 2017 Briana and I am not sorry to say that I’m glad you felt that way because DO I HAVE SOME EXCITING NEWS FOR YOU!?  You did it!  How silly do you feel knowing that you were worrying about all of those things back then– your “crappy” jobs, not knowing your true calling… Did it suck feeling that way? Yes. Was that a dark place in my life? Absolutely. But alas! Here we are. 

Yes, it sounds cheesy to say, but everything really does work out.  I was put into that position for a reason. I took the time to sulk in what I thought was the worst situation I could be in with a stupid diploma and a bed in my parents’ house.  But looking back, I can honestly say I would not change anything.  I just realized that this turned into one of those perseverance stories I always read that tend to make me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Hold on, let me redirect.  I thought I was in a bad position, and sometimes you are.  But I had the choice to sit there and melt into a dough ball of sadness and regret as to why I wasn’t born with more athletic ability or an amazing singing voice.  I had the choice to stay at home and give up.  Here’s the difference I see in myself now and and why I am so proud of years-ago Briana.  She got up, retouched her lipstick, and decided to keep looking for what she was meant to do.  I avoided writing for so long because I didn’t think I wanted to do it (queue the ‘I told you so’s’).  But in the journey I’ve been on to find myself succeed, I found that I find the most success in helping other people succeed.  Now, I don’t mean I ride on the success of others and expect the credit for it. Not what I’m saying at all.  What I mean is that I find true joy in seeing other people when they’re genuinely excited about something. That ‘kid on Christmas morning’ look.  I recognize the look on someone’s face when they’re ready to give up because I looked at that face everyday in the mirror. I somehow found the exit to that maze.  I don’t know if I could remember the way out exactly, but I wouldn’t hesitate to join hands and figure it out together by sharing all the information I have.

Drive on.

-Briana

So… This is a blog I reclaimed from my past-self.  Two-years-ago Briana was a totally different person then Present-Day Briana.  I am grateful for the person she was; she taught me about the things I always wanted to do but was too afraid, as well as reminding me of the ideas she had about herself which I no longer choose to entertain.  She was insecure, depressed at times, and confused about her purpose in life all while trying way too hard to find it.  I am grateful for her and for those struggles. Had I not known the girl I was back then, I would not be the strong, empowered woman I am today.  This blog will be filled with her stories and how she learned from this experiences, and grew as a woman who found her purpose inspiring, motivating, and lifting others to reach their full potential.  If you are able to find a similar person in your past, or similar qualities in the present, I hope that you are able to get acquainted with her and learn from yourself while opening your heart to the beautiful life you are meant to live.

Cheers!

-Briana

1.You know yourself better than anybody but you’re also a complete mystery.

Sometimes you feel like you know exactly what you want but as soon as you pursue it, things just feel.. Wrong. In college it was easy to enjoy your time and look ahead to the future and see a successful happy version of yourself. But now you’re here and you want nothing more than go back into you tiny dorm room and eat Doritos while binge watching shows on Netflix. It’s very easy to lose your sense of self. You obvously know yourself but there are times where you look in the mirror and have trouble seeing YOU the way you are. There’s nothing wrong with this . It may just mean that you need to backtrack a little; do some soul searching. The whole ‘lose yourself to find yourself’ thing isn’t so crazy after all.

2. You still don’t know what you want to be when you grow up- and that’s okay.

Everyone has a dream job. Waking up and actually wanting to go to work… Is that even a real thing? Maybe. You’re working in a dead end office with no real opportunity to move up and earn enough to pay bills and maybe still be able to eat something that’s not frozen on occasion. These are the times that you may need to reconsider your plan. Ask yourself: Is this really what I’ve been put on this planet to do? Or am I stuck trying to run through wet concrete? Everyone hears the phrase ‘Work isn’t supposed to be easy… That’s why it’s called work.” False. You don’t have to hate your job  And you should give yourself a little more credit. Find what you love to do and find a way to do it.

3. Your parents may not always get your choices, but they’ll always have your back.

We all make questionable decisions whenever we feel threatened or trapped by the things going on in our lives. Routine is good until you’re stuck so deep in it that you feel suffocated. It makes it very easy to make rash decisions like quitting your decent paying, but miserable job to go pursue something you love, even if it doesn’t work out. That’s when your parents come in. They may not see this as a good idea, but you’re an adult and are in full control of your own decisions. They will back you up and catch you when you fall- that’s what they’re there for.

4. You probably won’t get an elevator ride to the top- sometimes you have to climb many flights of stairs just to find that you left the keys to the door in the car.

Dream lives do exist, but not without hard work. It’s easy to see famous people who are really talented and think, “lucky them.” Not that they didn’t have to work hard to get where they are, but it’s definitely a lot easier whenever you have a real talent that doesn’t involve being able to eat a lot of tacos in one sitting (dibs on that talent.)

Sometimes you work really hard for something and it still may not work out or be what you thought it would be. There’s that soul searching again. You don’t have all the time in the world, but you do have time to change your path. If it really makes you unhappy, don’t waste your time on it.

5. Your security blanket needs to go into the yard sale bin.

Although you will come to bends and obstacles in the road, you can’t just turn around and run. There are times when you’ll need to put your big girl panties on and walk into the fire. It’s difficult and sometimes overwhelming, but everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to and contrary to popular belief… THINGS WILL BE OKAY.